Dating in Paris: What It's Like

Well, it's February again, which means that people are fawning over Valentine's Day (and the days surrounding it) and using it as an excuse to go on dates and rendezvous. I live in Paris, regarded as one of the most romantic cities in the world, and though it doesn't necessarily take the holiday too seriously, the city still has a certain “vibe” to it, if you catch my drift. So in celebration of the holiday, let me tell you what it's like to date in Paris. I'm here to answer your questions about it, be it about the local dating culture, what not to say on a date, and more.

The Concept of “Dating” in Paris

Contrary to popular belief, the French aren't the ultra-romantic Pepé Le Pew-like lovers Hollywood loves making them out to be. When I first moved here, I seriously thought the men here would court me like we were in a classic French novel and shower me with kisses and flowers. The reality, however, was far from it. I'd go so far as to say it's the exact opposite. It's not that the French aren't romantic, it's just that they don't “date” the way the rest of the world does. The “Getting to Know You” stage mostly involves just that! They'd rather get to know you by hanging out with you and a couple of friends, not over a candlelit dinner. It felt more like I was making new friends in Paris than dating.

Do You Need to Learn French?

Not necessarily but it would help! Since you're in Paris, you'll have an easier time meeting new people and making friends if you know how to speak the native language. But don't get confused! I'm not saying you're required to learn and speak French to date in Paris. You'll just increase your chances of meeting someone special if you do. I admit that I only relied on a couple of essential French phrases when I just moved to Paris and I survived well. With that said, I didn't exactly succeed in getting a partner until I became more fluent in it.

Socialize!

Here is the best tip I ever received when it comes to dating in Paris: socialize! Don't just hole up in your luxury apartment in Paris and expect to have a meet-cute the moment you step outside. Life doesn't work like a Hollywood romcom! If you want to meet new people, especially “the one,” then you'll have to get out there and socialize. I suggest you go on meetup groups, enter all sorts of classes, eat out regularly, or go to small events. I met my first boyfriend here when I got into a spin class. He cycled right beside and sparks flew before I knew it!

The LGBTQ+ Community in Paris

First things first, I'm not a part of the LGBTQ+ community myself so this part is mostly what my queer friends told me about dating in Paris when you're gay. Let's begin with where to hang out to meet fellow queer people—Le Marais, the Latin Quarter, Montmartre, and Pigalle. These are the neighborhoods where you'll find a lot of them. Le Marais, in particular, is known as the city's LGBTQ+ hub. Moreover, expect hookup culture to be more common than not here. This isn't to say that you have to hook up to get a partner, but that it's the easier and more common way to do it.

Where to Meet People

I'm about to sound super cliche right now but this is the truth! The best place to meet new people in Paris is in a cafe. Why a cafe, you might ask? Because these are the places where most Parisians go to. Practically every Parisian eats in a cafe so of course, you're more than likely to meet your new partner there. You'll especially want to check out the cafes in Belleville, Batignolles, or the Marais in the 4th arrondissement. They're regarded as the “coolest” neighborhoods in Paris and their cafes are often crowded.

What Not to Talk About on a Date

Okay, let's say you've finally met someone you think is cool and you can see yourself going far with them. Now, let me tell you the one thing you should never talk about when you're dating someone—money! The French find it gauche when people talk about how much you make and how successful you are. They may ask about what you do for work but that's about it. And even in that case, you should wait for them to ask you about it! The moment you talk about how much money you earn, you'll instantly turn them off.

The All-Important First Kiss

Another thing Hollywood and the media got wrong about the French is their attitude towards kissing. You probably think that men (and women) here go around kissing people with their tongues as early as the first date, don't you? Girl, please! Let's not look down on them! I've lived in Paris for years and it didn't take long for me to realize that they take kissing on the lips seriously. Most of the French will only do it when they're serious about you and they're ready to take your relationship to the next level. With that said, though, it won't automatically mean that you're steady and exclusive too. This will depend on the person.

Always Keep it Cool!

Above all else, always keep your cool. Even if the person you're into is the hottest supermodel you've ever laid your eyes on (and trust me, many of them are exactly that here in Paris!), you don't want to seem too eager. Don't look and act too excited, don't stress too much when hanging out with them, and most importantly, keep your hands to yourself! I've always found that it was more effective to let them make the first move and just go with the flow. The more eager you seem, the more they'll pull away!

What About Sex?

Don't believe the stereotype that the French are overtly liberal when it comes to sex. They don't all participate in ménage à trois or orgies. Some do, but not everyone does! For the most part, the French, specifically Parisians, have the same fairly open outlook towards sex as the rest of the Western World. They're not prudish, but they don't jump on the first person they see attractive either. Many of them will only go to bed with you when they've gotten to know more about you. Unless you guys are only hooking up and met each other through an app. This is also common in Paris, but that's not exactly dating!



Dating in Paris is more complicated than you think. Though the city is known as one of the most romantic in the world, the real dating scene here has a lot of complexities, from the overall dating culture to how singles meet new people today.